Staring Down the Cold Barrel of Winter

And another Christmas has come and gone in that way it does. With what seems to have grown into months of preparation and build up all culminating in a day or few of gathering here and there with friends and family, eating, laughing, tearing brightly colored papers off a box containing someone's idea of what you need and want. And then it's done.

Sure, we've got another holiday a mere week later as we celebrate the end of one year and the beginning of another, but whatever time off we may get for new year's, the evening of imbibing and the following day of recovery can be a small silver lining to take the edge off the post-partum of blown wad of Christmas and the subsequent return to day to day routine.

This year's placement of Christmas on a Thursday gave an excellent excuse to extend the holiday into the 26th and join it up with the weekend, creating a deliciously lengthy Holiday weekend for many of us. I, of course, jumped right on that bandwagon, staying away from my place of work from about 1pm Christmas Eve until first thing this Monday morning. This four and a half day respite from work took it's place as the most time I've had off work since June 2006.

I'd hoped this monumental escape from the drudgery of work for a few days might serve to alleviate that ever present knowledge that I really really need a vacation, that my efficiency and enthusiasm for my work suffer greatly from the fact that work really has become a never ending and barely interrupted cycle of drudgery. Alas, as is always the risk, so far the effects seem to be quite to the contrary. The break was appreciated, enjoyable, and much needed. It has, however, mostly to make me aware of just how much of a break would really be required for me to be able to be able to gain a clear perspective of the situation I've found myself in after now six and a half years of operating my business.

Like some sort of oddball formulaic equation, each extra day off work beyond the standard two day weekend seems to add a certain weight to the eventual task of returning to work, that is, up until those days of freedom reach some undetermined point of "enough", some strange event horizon where one can actually gain perspective on the adult life they've created and found themselves deeply enmeshed in, or enslaved by, depending on said perspective. The point being, most of the time, taking some extra time of just makes returning to work suck all the worse.

Like today.

Of course, the return to work following Christmas has such a plethora of nasty little barbs attached to it that it would be difficult not to feel the heavy sting and tear of it. Here in Oregon we find ourselves having survive just the barest bit of the dismal winter months. Cold, wet, and dark they come over us and hang there, potentially stretching from November through some time into what other regions refer to as Spring. The first bit of it each year can be handled with the novelty of it all, or with the pronouncements that we really need the rain, because at that point we can still actually remember the beauty of our quite abbreviated summer months when there's sun and warmth, but also a rich green lushness that certainly must be attributed to the other 9 months of rain. We soothe ourselves with the coziness of curling up with warm beverages, inside in the warmth, watching movies or whatnot while the daylight hours shrink and shrink, the common blanket of grey cloud hanging low over us doing it's additional part to keep the scant daylight hours from being anything but dim. We excite ourselves with the coming holiday season, get distracted and wrapped up in the stresses and enjoyments of it all. And really, it makes for great distraction. Until it's done.

Now, we find ourselves looking down the loaded barrel of Winter, without another real Holiday until Memorial Day. This is the long stretch. Certainly we're over the hump of shortening days. After the Winter Solstice the days start getting longer! One minute at a time. And that's something, for sure. But it takes a while to notice, and I've found it can be quite a challenge not to let the damp grey winter seep into psyche and zombify you until the eventual return of life and sunshine sometime in oh, June or July.

Personally, I find myself staring down the barrel of responsibility. Of paperwork and nonsense. Of the impending end of the year, both calendar and fiscal. Of the sharp biting reminders of just what kind of year it's been. One whose theme has seemed to amount to "Work more for less!" This reminder being made particularly poignant by the towering stack of paperwork that must, MUST be done in the very near future as the multitude of tax obligations between state and federal governments wanting my sums and assessments of the previous periods as well as, of course, their cut of the take of a year of my life. But at least I can sleep soundly, knowing they'll spend it wisely.........

Never in my years operating this business have I found myself so behind at this time of year. Even when I began and knew even less of what I was doing than I do now, I kept my records and books and data carefully entered and constantly up to date. But give me a few years without vacation, add in a declining economy resulting in increasing costs and decreasing sales, slowly stir in a decreased staff of employees, the costly payroll hours being reduced out of necessity, the empty shifts filled and extra duties taken on by myself, of course. And at no extra pay, naturally. And so it may become somewhat understandable how I've managed to fall behind on some of my clerical tasks. Because the majority of the time, they don't have to be done, while there are a multitude of other things that do in order for everything to keep functioning. But that time is past, it must be done.

Needless to say, I have no interest in doing it. Certainly not to day, and probably not tomorrow. But I will get it done, regardless. For to enter into the tax season ill prepared, with ducks not in neat digitized rows, but still in scattered heaps and piles of vulnerable and hard to handle paper would be, well, stupid. It would create a misery and stress unimaginable and potentially unbearable. Since I do all the taxes myself for both business and personal income, having my shit together is essential. When it comes to dealing with the IRS, doing anything half-assed is just asking for five times the headache to come back at you. Most things are worth doing right the first time, but especially this.

Fortunately, I'm an adult and can prioritize my time however I see fit, which means since I've found myself in such a foul mood today, I'm able to procrastinate on playing catch-up in order to vent a bit of venom and unease at the day. And see, I've still got all afternoon to think about what I really should be working on. If that's not efficiency, then I haven't learned anything from watching our government work.